Archive for April, 2012

I’ve always been relatively small when it comes to weight and size. I’m 5’3 in height and oscillated between 100 and 115 pounds throughout high school and college. Despite not always eating right, I’ve been able to maintain a relatively slim figure and a healthy body for the majority of my life. I’m definitely not one of the “lucky” ones with a fast metabolism; I have curves and thighs and a butt. I mainly owe this long term fitness to a couple of years in ballet and over 10 years in gymnastics while I was growing up… Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE to eat. In fact, I LOVE food in general. I love how it looks and tastes. I’m also obsessed with the texture. There are just certain foods that I hate specifically because of how it feels in my mouth; the taste itself may be wonderful, but the texture may turn me off completely from ever wanting to have it again. I enjoy going to restaurants. I enjoy foreign foods (namely Mexican and Thai), and I enjoy trying new ones. I know that I’m not the only one who likes food so much. However, there’s a difference between enjoying food, yet making efforts to eat foods that are good for your body while taking time to exercise and just stuffing your face without a care in the world.

Many people are not in shape. Being “in shape” requires both physical activity as well as good eating habits. It’s a lifestyle change that most people aren’t willing to undergo, but instead of accepting that and willing to make a change, all you get is a bunch people whining and getting sensitive about people calling them fat. I’ll say it plainly: When I see a morbidly obese person I get grossed out. Literally, grossed out. My first thought is “Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house?” My next thought is “How did you let yourself get like that?” Then I just feel bad because it has to be difficult and miserable to live that way.

Sure, I have several friends who are fat. Just because you don’t take care of yourself when it comes to your weight/health, that doesn’t make you a bad person or somehow lower than other people. I wouldn’t define myself as shallow at all. However, I am rational and realistic. There’s no need to sugarcoat it. YOU ARE FAT. Accept it, and if you don’t like that label do something to change it. Take steps and make healthy choices towards becoming physically fit. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I think the main reason for obesity is simply laziness and an unwillingness to change habitual routine and action, especially if it’s something that you don’t like doing. I think a very large secondary reason why there is so much obesity is because people ignore many objective truths in exchange for trying to make other people feel better about themselves. Fat women nowadays are called “curvy” and call themselves “real women.” There’s people who say things like, “Don’t call girls fat. That’s how you make people get eating disorders…” No, actually that’s not at all how people get EDs. As physically obvious as they can be, they are also (and perhaps most importantly) psychological disorders.

Being mean and cruel about someone being overweight or bringing it up unprovoked is psychologically dangerous. But, if that’s not the case, I think it’s time for us to be honest with each other. If you’re gay you’re gay, if you’re Asian you’re Asian, if you’re tall you’re tall, and if you’re fat you’re fat. If your doctor tells you that you’re 100 pounds overweight and you’re at risk for a variety of diseases, is it really appropriate to huff and throw a tantrum and say that he’s mean? There are certain parameters that are universal and scientifically designed to measure healthy weight.

Telling a friend they need to lose weight is a lot more honest and loving rather than telling them that they look amazing, then they get diabetes or have a heart attack 2 years down the line from being too fat. Wouldn’t you tell someone you loved that they had a booger hanging out their nose or if they smell? I think it’s really important for us to stop lying for the sake of each others’ feelings. If you’re not the blunt type, you can easily make an appropriate joke out of it or make plans to work out together and stick with it. Falsifying and sugarcoating is what’s really cruel.

Unspoken (poem)

Posted: April 19, 2012 in Poetry

These words held captive
behind softly pursed lips
such terrified creatures
stretching delicate wings
beating in desperate rhythms
seeking only to escape
the desolate void within
A darkness so cold
ever present dangers
burning so painfully
searing their fragility
in another dire surge
of wings crushing throes
caressing the flesh of soul
So many are now lost
to such terror and fears
with pristine bodies
tumbling into the abyss
and now ever lost
to souls aching hunger
ever to remain unspoken.

The Self (poem)

Posted: April 19, 2012 in Poetry
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Of warm corpse
and death descending
‘neath unflinching gaze
do her demons await

Breeders of discord
rending soft flesh
black glistens red
dripping brutal truths

Delicate hands reaching
offered poor feast
bitter sweet poisons
they did create

Whetted of sins
trembling lips plead
for yet another sip
for one last dream

Writer’s Block No More!

Posted: April 18, 2012 in Random

So, I was busy reading tonight, and realized about 2 hours ago that it was after 12:00 a.m., which, if you paid any attention to my last post, I made a goal to blog every single day for at least 2 weeks. I never view the early morning hours as the “next day,” so, putting all technicalities aside, I’d like to pretend that I didn’t completely fail this test I made for myself in less than 48 hours. ;)

That being said, I am ecstatic about being able to write again. For the longest time I haven’t been able to, but now it’s come back to me, and I am on FIRE! I have several new poems and short stories that I’m excited to share. Can’t wait to post them!

One (poem)

Posted: April 16, 2012 in Poetry
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If “I” am everything I see,
And all there is is really me,
Then “you” aren’t what you seem to be,
And “we”…are purely fantasy.

She Dreams (poem)

Posted: April 16, 2012 in Poetry
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dreams of places
never to be found
of such things
that can never be
ever still, she sleeps

adorned in the trappings
of sensual delusions
in the tattered rags
of a wounded soul
masquerading as finery

honestys’ broken ore
swallowed by deep shadows
when in glittering presence
of the ladies of lies
lost in their shallow court

still aching to feel
more than sheer emptiness
gripping, shattering dreams
mocking the deepest desires

but truth is such cruelty
burning hot in her eyes
glittering so painfully
still to wet warm cheeks

she dreams of places
never to be found
of such things
that can never be
even still, she dreams…

Our Home (poem)

Posted: April 12, 2012 in Poetry
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It’s funny,
How the light can’t fill a room,
When there’s so much more to fill,
How sound echoes further and farther,
When there’re fewer ears to hear,
How the cold creeps that little bit closer,
When there’s not as much warmth at my side,
How the night comes in sooner,
Yet I can’t seem to sleep,
When the sole conversation,
Is mine and mine again.

It’s funny – but it’s fine,
Because the light shines a halo,
Where you’ll lie by my side,
Because the cold can’t compare,
To the warmth of “Our Home!”,
Because the words that I whisper,
Alone, to myself,
Reflect off the walls,
Of a place which love shares,
And the echoes that cascade,
Through your possessions and mine,
Bring back to me promises,
Solemn and wise,
Dear promises of your return.

Apparently, for many people, it’s popular to watch a Biblical movie during the Easter season. If you’re like me, you’d want to watch “The Ten commandments,” “Ben-Hur,” “The Last Temptation of Christ” or even “The Nativity Story” (as bland as it was). However, there’s those that are dead set on “The Passion of The Christ,” and I wanted to write a review here to give you a little insight:

We’ve all heard the stories about this movie when it first came out- stories about how people ran out of the theaters crying, how there were those who vomited and were gravely affected by it, etc. None of that happened to me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve seen some of the most stunning, violent and depraved movies in cinema history- most of them having been banned or still banned in many countries. This movie wasn’t so very gory as it was detailed in it’s depiction of Jesus’ suffering. His sacrifice was incredible, and I would agree that people need the reminder. I may even go as far as to say that everyone should watch it once; it gives you a new understanding of what Jesus knew and allowed to happen as well as introducing you to the brutality of Roman crucifixion. That still doesn’t make it a good movie, although whether a movie is “good” or not is more of a subjective topic. Literally about 80% of The Passion of Christ is Jesus being tortured. He gets scourged so violently that the skin is falling off his back. He continues to be mocked, beaten, then crucified with the occasional pan to Miriam and Mary Magdalene to make sure that the audience can witness their incessant weeping.

It was so ridiculously excessive that, at one point, I almost wanted to turn the movie off half way through. I’m curious as to why Jesus’ suffering and cruel ministration was given so much attention, but miracles and the portrayal of his love for us was only treated as an afterthought. I really wish they’d spent more time showing his huge capacity to love and WHY his sacrifice was so momentous and important.

Thousands (perhaps millions) of people have been tortured much worst and for a longer period before and since his death, but it’s the spiritual nature and not the physical that makes it heartbreaking. This movie seems to want people to forget about that, and instead clench their seats, cry and cover their mouths in an attempt to FORCE them to respond emotionally from the prolonged, excessive, explicitly barbaric and brutal nature of the film. I didn’t cry or clench my seat, but I did pull it out of the DVD player the very second it was over and put it back on my shelf with no intention to watch it again. The Passion of the Christ is almost completely reliant on brutality, so once you get over that, you’ll find that it isn’t much of a movie at all. I’ve seen quite a large amount and variety of “brutal” films, so I immediately found the violence (not the violence itself, but the AMOUNT of it) boring and offensive considering the story.

A little irrelevant, and I know this is just nitpicking, but one thing that irritated me was at the beginning of the movie, Satan appeared to be some kind of effeminate tranny instead of the breathtakingly beautiful once-angel that he is said to be in the Bible… Odd. The one good thing I would say about the movie is that the Aramaic and Hebrew was incredibly lovely; a little Italian-sounding too, but that’s probably because half of the actors are Italian. Aside from that, I don’t regret watching it, but I don’t care for seeing it again.

Earlier tonight, I cooked eggs on hash. It was a somewhat rushed effort, and I improvised quite a bit, but I quickly realized that this is a dish that is difficult to go wrong. I changed it up by adding a lot more peppers and not so much parsley. I also added mushrooms and decided to chop the eggs throughout. It turned out excellent! There’s nothing more awesome than an easy dish that takes no more than 45 minutes (including prep time) and is both versatile and delicious! It seems more appropriate for breakfast or brunch, but I wouldn’t waste time making it for dinner again. Maybe next time I’ll kick it up a notch by adding chicken. Yum!

I found the recipe HERE, so if you’re interested, write down the instructions and try it out.

Metal Kisses (poem)

Posted: April 8, 2012 in Poetry
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I sit, handle gripped in hand
I look, studying the stainless steel
I pray that release comes
as I push down

metal kisses flesh
and I cry red
weeping thin lines

the sting, a friend
newly made,
a friend to set me free

as I pull down,
across
tearing at my arm
tearing free

but the kiss doesn’t come

I open my eyes
the blade-edge rests
on my wrist
unmoving

I cannot do this.
I weep.